Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Unscripted Motherhood - Part 1

When I was younger, I assumed motherhood would be different. COMPLETELY different.

{1. Breakfast}

In my dream world, mornings began with the light flooding the rooms, gently waking the household. My kids would run into the bedroom and smother us with kisses, before we all moved to the kitchen for a wonderful and healthy homemade breakfast. Our pajamas all matched (of course) and we all wore cute, wittle slippers that were in coordinating colors (once again, of course). I'm sure somewhere in there the Folgers commercial theme song would behind to play.

In the real world, mornings are chaotic. One or both of the kids wakes up at 7:30, announcing that they are headed to the kitchen for Dora and cheerios. If there's a bad mood, look out. There's going to be screaming and a lot of it! There is no bounding into Mommy & Daddy's room to smother us with kisses. No, instead it's to pry us out of our warm cocoon and lead us to the kitchen. Pajamas seldom match, in fact we're thrilled if they fit!

{2. Grocery Shopping}

In my dream world, grocery shopping with my little angels involves peacefully pushing the cart as they take in the world around them with a great deal of awe and wonder. Of course, they offer to help me place things into the cart and GENTLY put items in the cart beside them as they sit. Tantrums? Oh no, not my angels! Tantrums are for kids who weren't raised in such a fine, upstanding and supportive household! When the time comes to check out, I know that my list has been completely fulfilled, my decisions made wisely and the kids giggle joyfully as they ride the mechanical horse.

In the real world, grocery shopping with the kids can be a nightmare. On a good day, there will be no screaming. Both kids will hold on to the side of the cart while I push, usually breaking free to point out the item featuring some animated character. If I find even 75% of what's on my list AND avoid any unnecessary items, it's a good day. If the item is glass, I usually hold my breath and pray it doesn't break somewhere between the cart and my pantry. On a bad day, I don't even bother taking them. One tantrum in Target later and I've learned that when Zoey (or Jack for that matter) is in a bad mood, it's not worth taking them out. If it's an emergency item (i.e. wipes, milk or diapers), then we'll make an effort. If it's for anything else, I'll go by myself later that night when my husband gets home. Yes, I've shopped at 11:00 pm before. And you know what? I LIKED IT.

{3. Evenings}

In my dream world, evenings would progress happily from a four-course, homemade meal to a family game or perhaps walk around the block. In the winter, we would light a fire in the fire place and roast marshmallows while watching a nice, "wholesome" Disney movie (are Disney movies called "wholesome" anymore?). We would leave the area as spotless and as stain-free as when we arrived. Perhaps on warmer evenings we would all chase each other through the sprinklers, laughing gleefully as the water drenched each of us.

In the real world, evenings can be chaotic. The sofa pillows are constantly on the floor, books usually tossed about the living room and the kids generally chase each other around the house until dinner time. Dinner time is generally loud and fast, rarely lasting more than 20 minutes. Usually the food is home-made, though sometimes we cheat and reheat a frozen pizza or the like. In the warmer months when everyone is together, we will head outside for some sort of activity, which usually ends after 15 minutes due to an excessive amount of bug activity. In the winter we usually avoid a fire in the fire place (sucks the heat out of the house) and s'mores, because it's always a massive chocolaty mess resulting in a massive load of laundry the next day as we try to avoid staining the couch. Movies are limited to what we have, which is devoted to Veggie Tales, Looney Tunes and random old-time Disney princess movies.

{To be continued...when I feel like it.}

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